Faith, Uncertainty and Testimony

(This is a talk that I gave a couple of years ago in Sacrament Meeting.)

          I’ve been asked to speak today about increasing faith in Jesus Christ. I’m going to begin my remarks by reading a testimony that might hypothetically be shared in a church setting, such as a fast and testimony meeting.

Brothers and sisters, I cannot honestly say that I know God lives. I see much in the world that I cannot easily reconcile with the existence of a loving God. However, I do hope that such a God exists, and most of the time I believe that he does.

I can’t say that I fully understand all aspects of the Savior’s Atonement. However, the idea of a divine being descending below all things so that he can succor his people is the most beautiful idea that I have encountered in any religious or philosophical system. I hope it is true, and most of the time I believe that it is.

There are some things about church history that I can’t easily reconcile with my conception of a divinely led organization. However, I don’t believe that a purely materialistic worldview can easily account for everything that Joseph Smith accomplished, especially the Book of Mormon. And when I live my life as a believer and participate actively in the church, I am generally happier than when I don’t do those things.

So I believe that the best approach is to muddle along, trying to find out what is true as best I can, and also trying to follow the Savior’s example as best I can. That is the best formula for living that I’ve been able to find. Amen.

          As you may have noticed, there are some significant differences between this hypothetical testimony and most testimonies that are expressed in a church setting. Let me highlight two of these differences. First, this hypothetical testimony suggests the existence of ambiguity and uncertainty in relation to the gospel. The hypothetical testimony includes the statement, “I … hope” that there is a “loving God,” whereas a more conventional testimony might include the statement, “I know that God lives.”

          Second, the hypothetical testimony suggests the existence of paradox and contradiction in relation to the gospel. For example, the hypothetical testimony states that there is “much in the world that … cannot easily [be] reconcile[d] with the existence of a loving God.” A more conventional testimony would not typically acknowledge any contradictions.

          If you heard something like this hypothetical testimony expressed in a church setting, how would you react? Would it make you feel uncomfortable? Do you feel as though such a testimony would be appropriate? What conclusions might you draw about the level of faith of the person sharing this testimony? I’d like to consider some of these questions this morning.

“Hoping” or “believing” versus “knowing”  

          First, let’s consider some of the implications of suggesting the existence of ambiguity and uncertainty in relation to the gospel. Does the use of words like “hope” and “believe” instead of “know” indicate a lack of faith?

          Faith is somewhat difficult to define. Some people seem to define faith as the level of confidence that a person has in someone or something. According to this definition, a person who sincerely says “I know” that Jesus Christ lives would have more faith than a person who merely says “I hope” or “I believe” that Jesus Christ lives.

          But is that really true? There are at least some scriptures that appear to suggest otherwise. For example, the prophet Alma teaches us that “faith is not to have a perfect knowledge.” Also, Moroni tells us that when the brother of Jared saw the finger of Jesus, “he knew that it was the finger of the Lord; and he had faith no longer, for he knew, nothing doubting.”

          Common sense also seems to contradict any definition of faith that equates it with knowledge. Let’s consider a specific example. I have complete confidence in the law of gravity. I have no doubt whatsoever that if I were to leap off of this pulpit, I would immediately plummet to the ground below. I can honestly say that I know that the law of gravity is true. So, does it make sense to say that I have faith in the law of gravity? I don’t think so. I don’t need to have faith in the law of gravity, because I know that it is true.

          Why should things be different in a religious context? Why should a person who says “I know” that Jesus Christ lives be considered to have more faith than a person who says “I hope” or “I believe” that Jesus Christ lives?

          I am certainly not criticizing anyone who professes to “know” that Jesus Christ lives. However, if someone truly does know that Christ lives, then they no longer need to have faith that Christ lives. In the words of the prophet Alma, once “your knowledge is perfect” in something, then “your faith is dormant … because you know.” In contrast, “if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true.”

          If Alma is correct, then no one should feel any reservations whatsoever about using words such as “hope” or “believe” in an expression of testimony.

          In fact, we have numerous examples of faithful disciples of Christ who have explicitly acknowledged a lack of certainty in relation to the gospel. The Apostle Paul said that “we see through a glass, darkly.” Nephi confessed, “I do not know the meaning of all things.”

          In modern times, President David O. McKay confessed to being “a doubting youth.” President McKay said that he prayed “fervently and sincerely … that God would declare to me the truth of his revelation to Joseph Smith.” However, even after accepting a call to serve in the Scotland mission, President McKay did not feel as though he had received any such manifestation. He wrote, “No spiritual manifestation has come to me. If I am true to myself, I must say I am just the same ‘old boy’ that I was before I prayed.”

          Even the Savior, in the culminating moments of the Atonement, cried out in despair, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” Was that an expression of certainty? If not, would we have the audacity to accuse Him of lacking faith?

Paradox and contradiction 

          If it is true that a faithful disciple of Christ can experience ambiguity and uncertainty in relation to the gospel, where does that ambiguity and uncertainty come from? The hypothetical testimony that I shared earlier included the statement that there is “much in the world that … cannot easily [be] reconcile[d] with the existence of a loving God.” Does uttering a statement like this indicate a lack of faith?

          First, let’s consider whether this statement is true. Are there things in this world that cannot easily be reconciled with the existence of a loving God?

          It seems to me that the answer is unequivocally “yes.” Every year literally millions of God’s children suffer and die from malnutrition, starvation, and disease. Tens or possibly hundreds of thousands more are tortured or cruelly executed. In some cultures, young girls are sold into sexual slavery and raped with impunity. Can these things be easily reconciled with the existence of a loving God?

          I have heard and I understand the explanation that is frequently given in response to that question: God has given us the gift of free will, and some human beings abuse that gift. Some of the atrocities that we see in this world can be explained that way. But many others cannot. What about natural disasters, in which tens of thousands are crushed underneath the rubble of collapsed buildings, buried in volcanic ash, or drowned in the depths of the sea? What about birth disorders, crippling disabilities, and disease? Can these things be easily reconciled with the existence of a loving God?

          If it is true that there is “much in the world that … cannot easily [be] reconcile[d] with the existence of a loving God,” then it is not clear to me why acknowledging this reality would indicate a lack of faith. Faith that is grounded in ignorance of reality does not seem like something that we should aspire to possess.

“Help thou mine unbelief”

          If there are some paradoxes and contradictions in relation to the gospel, and if faithful disciples of Christ can experience uncertainty as a consequence of those contradictions, how should we react to someone who is open and honest about their uncertainty?

          In the gospel of Mark, we read about a father who comes to Jesus, distraught over the pain of his son, who was afflicted with an evil spirit. We read that “the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.” So this man acknowledged at least some “unbelief,” yet he was able to muster enough faith to bring his son to see the Savior.

          The scriptures tell us that Jesus healed this man’s son. However, they don’t tell us exactly what Jesus said in response to this man’s plea to “help thou mine unbelief,” and so we are left to speculate. I would like to suggest four words that describe how I believe the Savior replied: compassion, understanding, love, and healing.

          Compassion because the scriptures tell us repeatedly that He was “moved with compassion” for those to whom he ministered.

          Understanding because He “descended below all things, in that he comprehended all things, that he might be in all and through all things, the light of truth.”

          Love because the scriptures tell us that He does not seek to influence others except “by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned.”

          Healing because when He appeared to the Nephites, He said: “Have ye any that are … afflicted in any manner? Bring them hither and I will heal them.”

          I believe that these four words would also describe the Savior’s reply to any of us who are able to muster enough faith to ask Him to “help thou mine unbelief.” If I’m correct about that, then any expression of testimony – whether based on knowledge, belief, or simply hope – is an act of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ that I believe would be pleasing to Him.

My own testimony

          In conclusion, let me repeat the testimony that I shared at the beginning of my talk. However, this time I will affirm that it is my own testimony:

Brothers and sisters, I cannot honestly say that I know God lives. I see much in the world that I cannot easily reconcile with the existence of a loving God. However, I do hope that such a God exists, and most of the time I believe that he does.

I can’t say that I fully understand all aspects of the Savior’s Atonement. However, the idea of a divine being descending below all things so that he can succor his people is the most beautiful idea that I have encountered in any religious or philosophical system. I hope it is true, and most of the time I believe that it is.

There are some things about church history that I can’t easily reconcile with my conception of a divinely led organization. However, I don’t believe that a purely materialistic worldview can easily account for everything that Joseph Smith accomplished, especially the Book of Mormon. And when I live my life as a believer and participate actively in the church, I am generally happier than when I don’t do those things.

So I believe that the best approach is to muddle along, trying to find out what is true as best I can, and also trying to follow the Savior’s example as best I can. That is the best formula for living that I’ve been able to find.   

This may not be a conventional testimony, but it is an honest one. I hope that it is acceptable to the Lord, and I believe that it is. I also hope that He will “help … mine unbelief.”